Main article: Noxonshaw
Previous Episode: S1E6: Multi-Man Melee
Location: ???, Kathy's House
Hosts: Mark Noxus, Ganondorf, Agent Smith
Featured Guest: Ryuu Yamauchi
Ganondorf found himself sitting in a dark room with Mark Noxus. There were only two seats, both of them for only the two of them. "...What's going on?" The King of Evil asked the bounty hunter. Mark turned to him and gave him a genuinely confused shrug. "No idea. I just got called out of my apartment." "Same. Except the apartment part. I got kicked out of my own castle and fell into lava." "Of course." As they remained still for a few seconds, a man in a suit walked in. Agent Smith carried what appeared to be several documents. "Hello." The bounty hunter and the King of Evil stared at the man as if they were meeting him for the first time. "Don't look at me like that." Right after Smith's statement, both of them looked as if they were bored out of their minds. "You two have been tasked to watch over and commentate on a special episode for Noxonshaw. But unlike other episodes, this one is less family friendly." "..." Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "Family friendly," he repeated in disbelief. "We blew the fuck out of people and now you're saying this show is family friendly?" "Yes." The Gerudo fell silent, crossing his arms while looking away from the agent in confusion. "The guest that is invited to this episode," Smith explained, "will be told to watch an erotic piece of media. As the Internet tends to call it, we shall refer to it as an 'erotica video.'" "So you're telling us to watch someone watch porn?" Ganondorf asked flatly. "And won't we get sued for t-" Agent Smith shot Ganondorf in the end with a BB gun, knocking the King of Evil out. "...Yooooooooooooooou're telling us to commentate on someone watching something sensitive, right?" Mark asked, shamelessly playing the role of an opportunist. Ganondorf internally flipped the bounty hunter off. "Yes," Agent Smith answered. "...Right now?" Agent Smith twirled out a remote control, nodding. -.-.-.-.- Ryuu blinked, staring at what appeared to be a giant television screen. "THE HELL?!" He screamed as he realized that hewas no longer in Lavanya. "What's going on, here?" "You've been summoned... by the Noxonshaw," the voice of Agent Smith echoed in the room. "Oh, not that shit again-" "Ganondorf, play the video." "...Video? WHAT VIDEO?! WHOEVER THE HELL DECIDED TO BRING ME BACK FOR THIS CRAP, GET ME OUTTA HERE!" As Ryuu looked around the room, the gigantic monitor was turned on. He turned to the thing. "Red Cherries?" Ryuu muttered as the exact words slowly faded into view on the screen.
A red flower sat in the tiny garden next to a small house. Night time had fallen, letting the moon shine upon the world. Caleb "Crash" Waterfront was nervous. Having been invited into Katherine Argall's house, he felt worried that he was intruding a bit too much into Kathy's privacy.
Ryuu stared at the screen incredulously. "Wait, what's up with Crash being in the video?" He muttered as his eyes fixated themselves on the video.
The boy sighed. He had barely prevented himself from tripping over one of Kathy's property; his very presence seemed to be quite troubling for the stability of the house itself. Several years had gone by since he first met Kathy, and their friendship had become one of the most comforting ones. He respected her, appreciated her, and found it natural to be around her. "Hah..." Crash sat at the couch in the living room. Kathy's place was not too spacious, but it still did have enough space for her to move around freely. After a few minutes of sitting by himself, Crash saw Kathy emerge from a small kitchen with some chips. "I got us some chips," she said with a beautiful smile. Crash grinned; it was hard not to smile with her.
The otaku seemed legitimately confused as to what was going on. He never saw or hear of Crash ever going to Kathy's place, especially at nighttime. "But more importantly," he asked out loud," why am I being forced to watch this... t-this touchy stuff?" He felt a weird vibe crawl up his spine. The man inwardly rooted for Crash to bust a move and finally announce some freaking feelings to Kathy. So many years had gone on, yet the adorable doofuses had yet to confess to one another.
They watched television together, played games together; they spent their time fruitfully, becoming closer to each other. But that had been the case for plenty of time. As Crash poured his attention to the television program turned on in front of him, the red-haired girl sat with some of her hair shrouding her face. She then dropped a verbal bomb into the room. "Caleb," she said as Crash turned to her. "I... need to tell you something."
While Ryuu continued to pay attention to the video, a Stalfos from far away screamed, "NO, BUT SERIOUSLY, I THINK I'VE BEEN IGNORED ENOUGH TO ASK WHO THE FUCK CALEB IS-" Suddenly, similarly far away, a brilliant flash of light enveloped the unseen audience. Time unnecessarily slowed down as Carmen shot out of nowhere and jumped over the Stalfos, firing an explosive shell from the Incineration Cannon she was carrying while casually front-flipping over the Stalfos that always seemed to come back. Just as time reverted to normal and the Stalfos had been reduced to a pile of ash, Carmen was nowhere to be seen once more after a second flash of light filled the stands.
"What is it?" Crash asked with a small smile. When the girl seemed to hold back her words, he pushed a bit further and added in, "Tell me." Silence filled the air. Then, the silence was broken as Kathy shifted towards him on the couch. "Caleb..." "Mhm?" "I..."
Ryuu's eyes widened. Suddenly, he felt like he knew what was going on. "KISS!" He screamed out loud as he bolted up from the chair given to him. "OR SAY 'I LOVE YOU OR SOMETHI-'"
"I love you."
The otaku screamed as he felt an unknown force blow him away, knocking the chair over as he tumbled on his back. "SH-SHE JUST SAID... SHE...!" Ryuu pointed at the screen, his eyes widened as a dumb, wide smile took over his idle expression. He wagged his hand at the screen just to further reinforce his point as he repeated, "SHE JUST...!"
"..." "Caleb...?" His face as red as a tomato, Caleb looked away from Kathy. The girl felt nervousness rising in her heart as she scooted next to Crash just a bit closer. "Caleb, I-" And without any warning, Crash whirled around and wrapped his arms around her.
Ryuu screamed as he rolled around the ground, his body unable to handle the mushiness of the situation.
"Kathy," Crash whispered as he held onto the precious girl. "Kathy, I..." Bringing himself to look her in the eyes, Crash put a small distance between him and the red-haired girl. Her eyes peered into his, and the two felt a trance tickling the bottoms of the hearts. Slowly, gently, and carefully, the two brought themselves closer to one another. With a shared silence, they kissed.
Ryuu's eyes shot out a blast of plasma as he cupped his mouth, unable to comprehend the fact that he just witnessed the "king of all things clumsy" and the "queen who couldn't make up her mind" share their feelings to one another. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT," he screamed out a generic phrase of surprise as he kept his eyes glued on the screen. "WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!" And that made Ganondorf and Mark Noxus legitimately think as to why that was the case. It was probably because of the figurines in his room. And the anime posters. Definitely, they thought in unision, too absorbed at the video's content to even commentate.
Their kiss deepened, and soon they paid attention to nothing but themselves. Kathy turned off her television as she and Crash enjoyed the unfamiliar emotion of craving. They craved for each other.
Ryuu blinked. "Uh..."
They wanted each other. Though they were inexperienced with understanding the concept of love at the slightest, they felt enamored. They felt the feelings they had for each other pour out like a waterfall. A burst of pleasure ran down their hearts as they continued to kiss. Crash eventually lay on his back as Kathy sat above his waist.
The otaku felt a burst of steam explode out of his ears as blood shot out of his nose. "WHAT THE FUCK."
Soon, the two finally broke out of their kiss, their eyes hyponotized by each other's gaze. And they kissed again, and they continued to go further and further. Slowly, and gently. "C-Caleb..." Kathy whispered, and the sensation of her breath tickled Crash's neck. The boy gave her a small smile, senselessly addicted with her soft touch. "I love you," he answered as he gently touched her cheeks and pulled her in for a kiss once more. Their lips breaking apart from yet another deep exchange of love, Kathy silently slipped her hands under Crash's shirt.
Ryuu felt another burst of blood shooting out of his nose as he crawled away from the monitor, his eyes widened as wide as they could be as he screamed, "WHAT'S GOING?!" The man who was probably destined to forever live a virgin screamed as he picked himself up from the ground. "WHY ARE THEY GOING HAM?! "WHY ARE THEY GOING HAM?!"
Crash and Kathy undress. Oh, by the way, I am Morgan Freeman. Perhaps it will be fine for me to eloquently explain these scenes of passion.
Ryuu saw things he never expected to see in his life. At least, he did not expect see all of this kind of crap outside of the animations he was so used to watching. It was like three-dimensional hentai, except not hentai and actually real. "WHAT THE HELL?! OH MY GOD, WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Ryuu cried in agony as his eyes fell upon Kathy's- "HOLY FREAKING CRAP HER TA-TAS ARE TOTALLY LEGIT!"
Kathy and Crash proceed to make love. The first stage focuses on the “warming up” of the two.
"AND NOW HE'S EATING FROM THAT ICE-CREAM SCOOP!" Ryuu screamed as blood endlessly poured out of his nose. "VANILLA ICE-CREAM! HOLY MEGA MONGOLIA-SIZED SHIT! THIS- WHY AM I WATCHING THIS?!" The otaku felt genuinely disturbed by the fact that he was watching his former classmates on the verge of having sex with each other. "THIS IS WRONG," he screamed. Meanwhile, Ganondorf answered with a grin as his eyes tracked down every single moment of the video as he whispered loudly, "And so right." Mark Noxus shriveled up at Ganondorf's remark and casually watched the video- though, he was extremely interested in Ryuu's... unique reactions.
The second stage involves the complete undressing of clothing. The two become as undressed as Terminators.
Ryuu screamed. Like a girl. Suddenly, another person walked into the room. Deathedge waved at Ryuu as he said, "Hey, what's going oOOOGHWHAT THE FUCK?!" The two of them screamed as they witnessed a process that would never apply to the most virgin of virgins.
Kathy makes a move.
The screaming intensified. Edric walked in as he waved at Deathedge and Ryuu."Hey, guys, what's going o-" He stopped mid-sentence as he found something extremely eye-catching on a giant monitor in front of him. "Why are you streaming Pornhub in a dark room like this?" Edric asked curiously. "IT'S NOT PORN," Deathedge and Ryuu screamed simultaneously. "THIS IS... UH..." The two looked at each other with blank expressions. "The fuck is this supposed to be?" Ryuu's face darkened as he came up with an answer. "Sex." They started screaming again. Meanwhile Edric took out a phone and wondered if he could record things in other worlds. For research purposes, of course!
The docking sequence is perhaps the most fragile portion of the process. It is said that some never come back out from this sequence, forever addicted with what lies in store.
Ryuu grit his teeth as he took out his lightsaber, the length of the blade becoming longer than the London bridge. Deathedge died(?) in a pool of his own blood. Edric was unable to record the thing, but he was rooting for the two to go even further.
Some pain is involved, but there is just as much passion when love is being made.
sanic walked into the room. When he saw the video, he was so surprised he blew up as if he were a Half-Life: Source grenade. Ryuu and Deathedge were covering their eyes, rolling across the ground as the moaning of their friends mentally tortured them. Edric blushed at the sheer amount of passion the two showed to each other. "...This is a bit too much," Edric muttered as he somehow left the room. "EDRIC!" Ryuu cried. "NO, HOW THE HECK ARE YOU ABLE TO LEAVE THIS PLACE?! EDRIC! DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Deathedge rolled over the pool of blood that came from his nose.
And by the time the process ends, those who trespass thecherry-colored gates and the blossoming trees meet the stairway to heaven. Itis said that the Lord waits above it.
Ryuu shot out a red Niagra Falls from his nose before passing out completely. Deathedge ran the hell away, and even the hosts raised eyebrows at the intense passion the two redheads shared. "Holy shit," Ganondorf commented, "how the fuck does he release THAT much 'love fluids,' huh?" "...Well," Mark responded, just as dumbfounded, "I think I know why only the two of us were brought to the show today. "Even we weren't able to commentate for anything on this stuff. I doubt anyone else would react as calmly as we did."
And that is how the process of love-making is done, folks. I am Morgan Freeman, and it has been a pleasure to have commentated in the stead of the original hosts; they have become too absorbed with the video, it seems, and… it is quite understandable. It has been a pleasure to explain this process with you all.
"Hey, Caleb?" The two lay still at the couch, which had their scent imprinted on it. Time continued to march on, yet their love felt timeless. They had experienced joy and the intense love they felt for each other for the 'night, and that had brought them together all too well. "Yeah?" "I heard that the academy is going to hold a party this week." "Really...? I haven't heard of that yet." Kathy smiled at the shapeshifter's confusion. Though they may have made love in such a true and honest form, he was still the clums person she always knew of. Clumsy, but loveable. "We're going together- no questions asked." Crash took note of the excited smile Kathy gave to him and laughed quietly. "C'mon, now," he said with a grin. "Don't make me feel like I have more than one choice." Katherine Argall smiled and let her head rest on Crash's chest, their bare bodies covered by a blanket she brought. "I love you," she whispered as she closed her eyes. Crash felt blood rush into his head as his face reddened, though rather than stuttering out a conglomeration of humorously confused words, he told her, "I love you too."
"..." "..." Mark Noxus turned to Ganondorf. Ganondorf turned to Mark Noxus. "Ganon-" "If you don't give me the video file to this then I will pulverize you until you give it to me." "IT'S NOT EVEN MINE, YOU DOOFUS!" "..." "..." The King of Evil crossed his legs as the two remained silent. "...I have to admit, though," the Gerudo muttered, "that was really intense." "...Yup." "..." "..." "We should do this aga-" "I freaking knew you were going to say that." -.-.-.-.- END